Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless
by SqueakyPiggy
Summary: Completed! :D A look at what Chloe and Lana would be like if they actually acted like teenaged girls obsessing over Clark. This week's episode...S is for Stalkers. Rated T for implications and language.
1. Coffee House Chatter

Hello again! This story is going to take a lot of liberties starting with the fact that I don't think that the teenaged girls in the show actually act like teenaged girls, so I'm fixing that. Why? Because I've got 11 sisters, 2 nieces and 8 female cousins and none of them bypassed the 'obsessive squealing' phase. Pete hasn't left Smallville and Lex doesn't know that Clark knows about the 'Shrine 'o Clark.' Hmmm, what else...oh yes, I'm taking liberties with what is laying about town, ie. pond on the Kent farm, various fast food joints, things like that. Enjoy!

Disclaimer - Not mine! Never have been, never will be. Doesn't stop me from wanting to play with em though. Hehe

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His coffee was refilled without disturbance from his waitress, a slight nod acknowledging her diligence and familiarity with his preferences here. Having familiarity with his habits allowed him to continue his work under the illusion of being alone at his usual table in the Talon. He had his laptop in front of him; reports arranged on the table with a system that sometimes even he questioned the existence of, and a copy of the Ledger in the booth to his right. Lex liked bringing his work here, the warmth something he couldn't get at the castle. The silence at the castle was something that lived and breathed and fairly smothered him when he spent too much time within its walls. There was also the Clark factor to be considered as well, the Talon being somewhere Clark was likely to go especially as the lovely Lana was sitting all alone in the corner booth to his left, waiting. 

He spared the briefest glance towards the jingle of the door as it was opened to admit one Chloe Sullivan. He returned her wave as she scanned the Talon before she bounced on her feet and darted towards Lana's table. _'So it's friends this week,'_ he thought to himself as Chloe slid into her spot, blinding white smile practically stretched from ear to ear. He picked up his newspaper, giving his eyes a break from the laptop's screen. He allowed the drone of the other patron's conversations fade into the background as he read.

It wasn't long before the sounds of giggling coming from the table to his left pulled his mental focus from his paper. A lifetime spent in various boarding schools and corporate parties had trained him not to look up at the sound, to appear as if he hadn't heard the sounds. As a child the giggles were the precursor of cruel taunts from the other students, from the young women that he tried to court before he grew out of his waif-thin size, filled out his frame with lean muscle. Now the sounds came from Lana's table, when he focused on the words they were saying he had to admit a faint curiosity.

"So," Lana breathed after Chloe received her drink. "What's new this week on our favorite show?"

Chloe sipped her whipped cream confection delicately to avoid getting the topping on her nose, "Nothing yet, but I do have a lead for this weekend's episode."

Lana leaned closer towards Chloe, intimacy, secrecy, the lowered voices only serving to pique his curiosity even more. _'Favorite show where Sullivan has leads to hunt down? Has her Wall of Weird gone to broadcasting? Wonder why Gabe hasn't mentioned it,'_ he speculated even as he continued to pretended not to hear them as he's involved in his in-depth examination of…the recent decline in the bovine pregnancy rates? _'Hmmm, guess those after school specials helped after all, as they did retard pregnancies, just not for human females.'_ A gasp brought his attention back to the conversation at the girls' table.

"Pete asked what!" a breathy exclamation.

Chloe shushed her coconspirator, looking around to see if anyone was paying attention. Lex strained his ears to hear the lowered words coming from Chloe's mouth even as he sipped his coffee and returned to his laptop and files.

"Pete asked Clark at Fordman's yesterday how long he could hold his breath," girlish giggles erupted from Chloe as Lana's brow furrowed in confusion.

Lex's mind was all too happy to revert to his clubbing days to give that statement the twist it needed to fuel his…imagination. He remembered using such a line a few times to his enjoyment. No matter how sure he was that Pete and Clark were as straight as Jonathan's platitudes were endless, he couldn't seem to repress that part of his mind that was determined to twist everything that came out of Clark's mouth…or into it…on it. With a mental sigh he returned his attention to the odd conversation at the girls' table.

Lana's furrowed brow had smoothed out at Chloe's explanation, that he had missed, her mouth opened into an 'o' of surprise. Her face flushed prettily, apparently something risqué, as she leaned even closer to Chloe and asked, "What did Clark say?"

_'Yeah? What did Clark say? My pants want to know!'_ he drank from his coffee to help disguise any rogue facial expressions.

"Clark said," she roughened her voice to indicate Clark's voice, "Dunno Pete, never tested it. Probably a long time." She paused significantly before finishing, "A lot longer than you can I suppose."

Lex nearly choked on his drink drawing the attention of the other patrons. "Wrong way," he explained with a raspy cough and everyone went back to their own conversations. _'Thank you, overactive gutter imagination,'_ he snottily thought to himself. _'Welcome!'_ it chimed back. Great. Chloe spared him a suspicious glance but returned her attention back to Lana.

"What then?" Lana asked.

Chloe dove eagerly back to the subject at hand, "Well, they've decided to time him sometime this weekend at the pond out on their farm. That way he can't inadvertently cheat."

Lana's mouth formed a whispery "oh" and ecstatically clapped her hands. "That means wetpics this week," she breathlessly squealed.

"Exactly," Chloe smirked.

_'Interesting,'_ Lex thought as he rolled what he learned over in his mind, sipping at his coffee and adding to his reports on his laptop. _'I'll have to keep my ears open if I want to find out more about these pictures, especially if it's Clark.'_


	2. Good Ole Boys

This section originally was about 50 words long when I thought it up, lol. Same thing as all my other stories, I won't ransom the updates for reviews, they'll be put out on a fairly regular basis. If you're curious about the status of my fics then visit the profile page for me, I try to keep itupdated.

This week on "Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless"...

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**Kent Pond, that weekend –**

Chloe had snuck over to the Kent farm late the previous night to set up her hiding spot under the blueberry bushes. Today she studiously ignored the amount of spiders that had spun their webs in this small furrow where she now lay; the last thing she wanted was to get freaked out by imagining their icky bodies crawling in her hair. _/shudders/_ The slightly tall grasses that grew around the bushes would help shield her from detection by the two boys that were making their way across the fields without interfering with her photos. Each had a towel thrown over their shoulders, Clark's taller head much easier to track than Pete's. It wasn't long before she was able to hear their voices.

"Looks like it's going to be a pretty hot day today," Clark's voice filled her ears making her want to sigh dreamily.

"Looks like it," Pete agreed easily. "Have you noticed anything odd with the girls lately?"

Clark gave Pete a concerned look, "What do you mean? Odd how?"

Pete looked like he was gathering his thoughts, "It's nothing outright but it just feels like there's something off. It just seems like they're always whispering about something and they stop whenever I get close enough to hear anything, but when I ask they say it's nothing but girl talk."

Clark shot Pete an easy grin, "Sounds like they might like you and they don't want you to know. You should ask 'em out sometime."

Pete nudged Clark, "Oh yeah? What about you, when are you going to ask Lana out?"

Clark got moony eyed as he often did when thinking about Lana, "It's not like that Pete and you know it. She said she just needed time to figure out who she was. I'm perfectly happy giving her all the space she needs."

Chloe lay silently, watching and snapping the occasional photo as the two boys stripped down to their bathing suits and splashed around in the water. She shifted slightly trying to move off of a small rock that was making its presence known to her hipbone. A slow crawl forward on her belly solved the problem for her and then Pete moved back to the bank.

"Ready to time yourself?" Pete asked as he sat down on his towel.

Clark pushed back his hair out of his face with both hands, Chloe happily capturing the pose for posterity. "Yeah, I'll try and keep an eye on you under the water, wave when I hit five minutes if I'm still under."

"Think you can go for five minutes?" Pete asked cautiously.

"Sure, if something goes wrong then you'll come and get me and I won't have been under that long. Don't worry," he tossed a reassuring smile to his friend before taking a deep breath, expanding his broad chest to it's fullest **/click/** and sank under the surface.

Chloe watched, curious as to how long Clark would stay under. Would he make it to the full five minutes? What if Pete had to go and save him? _'Mmmm, mouth to mouth,'_ she purred mentally. _'I'd be happy to save you Clark.'_

Five minutes passed with agonizing slowness and Pete waved to the water to indicate that Clark's time was up. Clark pushed through the surface of the water, the water cascading down his body like so many tongues licking their way down his sculpted physique. He threw his head back to fling his hair out of his eyes sending an arc of wetness that Chloe couldn't help but capture on her camera. One broad hand came up to wipe his eyes clean and then he flashed one of his famous Kent smiles that seemed to make everything all better.

"How do you feel, Clark? Lightheaded or anything?" Pete asked while moving to his feet.

Chloe crept a slight bit closer to get a better shot as Clark replied, "Nope, I could go longer next time."

"Want to shoot for seven minutes?"

Something crawled up her right side under her shirt causing her to lurch to her left. Fortunately she suppressed the urge to shriek but snapped a low hanging branch on the bushes she was hiding under.

**/Snap/**

"What was that noise?" Pete asked while looking around.

Clark waded to the shore, "I don't know." He was quiet as he looked around.

Chloe could hear her heart pounding in her chest when Clark's gaze slid over her hiding spot, almost certain that he saw her.

Then with a shrug he said, "Lets go do something else, 'kay?"

Pete turned back towards Clark, "Sure, lets go do some dirt bike racing. My brothers left the tanks full this week."

Clark picked up his stuff and headed back towards the house, "Sounds good to me."

Once Chloe was sure they were out of sight and hearing she frantically brushed at her shirt while pulling herself out the backside of the shrubberies.

"Ewww, ewww!" she cried softly and she shuddered and raked her hands through her hair dislodging twigs and leaves. The things she went through to hone her skills. Relief filled her being when she finally made it back to her house and into the shower, the hot water soothing the crawling sensations on her skin.


	3. At the Car Wash

The handle KryptoAngel was one I remember seeing from another fanfic, struck me as perfect for this situation so I borrowed it. :)

Here's another installment of the Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...**

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This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless –**

"OH…MY…GOD, Lana!" The breathless squeal after Chloe rushed through the doors alerted Lex that something exciting was up in the world of Chloe.

Lex considered starting a research team to discover if women communicated secret information on a supersonic frequency, which defeated men's attempts to understand them. Of course, it would have to be staffed by men; he couldn't depend on women being in on that study, they might sabotage the findings. He slyly observed from behind his copy of the Smallville Ledger as Chloe the caffeine-enhanced-human-super-ball threw herself into the corner booth with her cohort in squealing.

"What? What? Tell me!" Lana exclaimed.

More supersonic squeals, he could imagine their secret conversation – _'Think anyone suspects?'_

_'No, they're men, and no woman would ever betray another woman this way.'_

_'Good, lets get our stalker-memberships renewed next week. They're throwing in bondage and captivity certification if you purchase the five year membership for free.'_

_'Sounds like a plan. The Mall Base?'_

_'Yes, your dad won't suspect anything if we did it there. I hope they brought in a new line of underwear ID's, last season's I'd swear were designed by men.'_

_'Tell me about it, next weekend it is then.'_

"Farm chores," Chloe sighed breathlessly as she slumped against the back of the booth.

_'Ah, it's about Clark again,'_ Lex thought.

Lana got a dreamy look on her face as she rested her chin on her palm, "Summer is great."

"Fall is better," Chloe purred softly, an impish expression flitted across her face.

Lana nodded in agreement then leaned closer to Chloe over the table, "Which chore?"

Chloe smiled wickedly as she sat up and leaned close to Lana as she whispered, "The best one!"

Lex scowled at his paper at that ambiguous answer, especially when squealing ensued followed by moony sighs. Lana was the first to recover as she asked hopefully, "Pictures?"

"Of course," Chloe answered as if it were a given, prideful in her work.

"What type?"

"Ultimate."

_'Again with the squealing,'_ he thought irritably, _'definitely secret frequency codes.'_

"How many?" Lana waited for her answer in breathless anticipation.

"At least twenty good pictures. I might be able to salvage another 10 but I've got to review them first."

"Oh my god!"

"I know!"

If they didn't stop soon his ears were going to start bleeding, then how was he going to hear more about this secret world of Clark-stalkers?

"KryptoAngel came through with the animated gifs for us."

"Oh yes!" Lana moaned softly, "In the same spot?"

"Yeah, I've locked it down to friends only so it'll be safe."

"Oh good, I'll check after my shift here tonight."

They were flushed and airing themselves when Clark walked in.

"Clark!" Chloe called him over. He gave Lex a friendly, "Hey Lex," as he passed which gave him opportunity to watch as the clueless prey interacted with his huntresses. A brief grin flickered over his lips as he gave a nod to his friend and returned to his newspaper, glad that it didn't require his full attention.

"Hi Chloe, hi Lana," Clark flashed one of his megawatt grins at both the girls he was sitting with.

"Hi Clark," simultaneous giggles and greetings.

_'Uh-oh, run Clark!'_ Lex's mind cried out. _'They're plotting to…er, wait…that's a good thing. Yes, Clark, stay right there. Nothing's wrong, nothing at all.'_

"What's going on?" Clark asked suspiciously as he shifted in his seat as if he were getting ready to run.

_'No! What a time to pick up a clue Clark!'_ Lex bemoaned silently. _'Bad Clark! No pictures for me…'_ _/mental pout/_ Lex scowled at his newspaper and then turned the page.

"Lana and I were going to the mall this weekend…" Chloe lead, hoping that Clark would blunder into a shopping trip this weekend.

_'I knew it! There **is** a secret spy registration base for women at the mall! Wait! What's Clark saying?'_

Clark's face fell into a disappointed expression, "I'd really love to go with you guys." He sighed miserably, "But Dad said I have to wash the truck and mom's car this weekend if Pete and I are going to be able to camp out."

"Awww, that sucks," Chloe consoled sympathetically as she gave her friend a one-armed hug resting her head on his shoulder. Lex could clearly pick out the false sympathy as he often dealt in the currency when dealing with his father, but Clark was oblivious to the undertones as usual.

"We'll miss you at the mall Clark," Lana's voice was as soft as the tiny hand she laid on one of Clark's. Coupling physical contact with her victim to ensure they didn't pick up on the small gleam of excitement that had sparked in her eyes at Clark's news, Lex had to give props where they were due. As the object of a long-standing crush there was no way Clark would ever believe Lana capable of subterfuge and false sympathy. Never Lana, not his lady fair.

Clark sighed a small sigh of disappointment as he stood, "Just have a good time when you go, and let me know when you two get back so I don't worry. I've gotta get going, Dad's expecting me home soon."

After Clark left the Talon and passed out of sight Lex had to wonder what the two minxes were up to when they suddenly perked up with manic glee.

"Soapy wetpics this weekend," Chloe quietly crowed with delight.

"I'm glad you asked him to the mall. Great way of finding out what was on the agenda."

Chloe grinned shamelessly, "What can I say? I'm just gifted."

Lex made a mental note to find out whom KryptoAngel was and to have Chloe's online activities monitored. He had suspicions that Clark's pictures were being stored online. If they were…well, who was he to deny good art? No matter where it was found and in what form, he could honestly say he was a collector. He finished his coffee and made to leave once he discerned that no more information was going to be dropped about their activities. It seemed that the Talon was yielding more than money in profits…unexpected bonuses indeed.


	4. A Chloe in the Tall Grass

I don't know why, but when I see the chapter title I think of Family Guy's documentary on firetrucks.

Thanks for the review Scary-Girly I really appreciate it. I saw, I read, I laughed. Hehe. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others.

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shamless...**

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**Kent Farm – A Chloe in the tall grass **

_'No shoes, tight ass-hugging cutoff shorts, and a thin white t-shirt that looks as if it was sucking on his body…I'd kill to be his shirt right now,'_ Chloe thought to herself as she watched Clark move the two vehicles over to the barn to be washed. _'Bucket of soapy water, hose, sponge and a Clark…it's what fantasies are made of.'_

This time around Chloe made sure to rub bug repellant and sun block on herself while she watched Clark from the irrigation ditch across the street from the farm. She made sure that a fencing post blocked her view of the kitchen windows, following the axiom of Murphy's Laws on Combat…If I can't see them, then they can't see me. She figured, as she watched Clark hose down the truck and begin the soapy process, that if Clark wasn't going to clue in and see how interested she was in him, that she'd indulge herself to a couple of pictures of him while he wasn't looking.

A couple grew into a couple hundred and then a couple hundred megs, then gigs. As it was, she was going to have to add a hard drive to the Torch computers just for Clark photos. She just couldn't bring herself to thin out her collection, too afraid to print them out incase someone stumbled across the albums that they would fill. Not that she kept all the photos that she took of Clark. She carefully edited them, cleaning up the edges, color and balanced them all to help retain that essence that made them Clark-like, Innocence in obliviousness.

_'Awww, did Clarky-warky get soap on himself? Oh yes he did,'_ she crooned mentally. "Looks like you've missed a spot on the hood, Clark. That's right…stretch across the hood of the truck, up on your toes," she instructed in a near whisper. She shifted slowly to her knees to better document the sight of Clark's jeans being pulled taut across his ass. A bead of sweat trickled down her collarbone to disappear between her breasts, "I think you should…oh yeah, take it off. That's right, part them luscious lips, and strip nice 'n slow."

She thanked God that she managed to convince her dad that she needed this new digital camera with the enhanced optical zoom – "So I don't have to be right on top of the danger for my stories, dad…" and the nearly nonexistent pause between photos – "So I can take my pictures and run!" The fact that she could continue to use it while in college only closed the deal for her dad.

"Mmm," she moaned softly. "You look hot to me Clark. I think some hose action is in order."

Clark stood and stretched, his gleaming muscles rippling with his movements before he cracked a mischievous grin and hosed himself off. "Thank you lord," she breathed as she then watched Clark proceed to drink from the hose and then return to his task. Mrs. Kent popped out to inform Clark that she made him some sandwiches and lemonade, which he took out onto the back of the truck.

Clark swung his feet off the tailgate as he happily ate the food that his mother made. She couldn't help but thirst as she watched his throat working while he drank his lemonade. Thankfully, he didn't block the delicious sight with his right hand as he drank out of the glass. It would have been a crying shame. He met his mother at the door when he brought the dishes back to the house and then returned to wash the smaller car.

"Now for the sunbathing on the hammock…please let him fall asleep on the hammock…" she prayed breathlessly once he finished. "Nude…oh all right, shirtless," she added as Clark put his supplies away. She watched as Clark checked in with his parents and then trotted off to the barn. When the elder Kents walked out with overnight bags and suitcases she gasped. They were leaving? And Clark was…staying! She heard Mrs. Kent tell Clark to behave while they were gone. Clark poked his head out of the barn doors and said that he would.

"Oh yeah, baby, behave and get back in that hammock for a nap," she softly growled in a mock Austin Powers accent, stifling a moan when he did. _'Such a good boy.'_

Patiently waiting twenty minutes after the elder Kents drove away and no signs of Clark leaving the barn, Chloe called Lana on her cell to meet her at their usual spot. It took her another ten minutes of belly crawling to ensure she wouldn't be spotted from the barn before she felt safe enough to walk. By the time she traveled the five miles Lana had her beetle nice and chilled with the AC running. She heard the trunk pop when she came up to the car.

Lana killed the engine and joined her as she pulled a spare set of clothes from the trunk and swiftly changed out of her dirty clothes. "Was it a good day?" she asked.

Chloe flashed a huge smile, "Oh yeah, all sorts of pictures, and no bugs in my hair this time." She shivered slightly at the memory before she stowed her dirty clothes and proceeded to apply a light application of makeup after washing off her exposed skin with a baby wipe. Once she finished with her ministrations she hopped into her car and drove it back to the Kent Farm as if she hadn't been there already today.

"His parents left a little bit ago on a trip," she happily informed Lana.

"Oh," she grinned at the news, "he'll definitely come to the Talon for sure for pie. He usually does when his chores are done, but this time he'll need some creature comforts."

"You'll have to get some good photos then when he does," Chloe sighed and flicked a quick glance into the backseat. "I see you found a lot of good deals," when she saw the large amount of mall bags piled back there.

"I figured I'd buy a little something from several stores just in case Clark wanted to see what we got," Lana explained.

"Only if he's being a naughty boy and not sleeping in the hammock like I want him to," she teased as she threw the car into park and they both quietly got out, leaving the doors slightly open.

It was with mutual agreement that they moved towards the barn in silence, unwilling to alert the occupant inside of their presence should he still be unaware of them. Chloe spotted the still damp t-shirt hanging over the banister on the way up to the loft. _'Shirtless…I can only hope to find the shorts laying about on my way up.'_ There were no sounds of movement coming from above, which held promise.

Chloe all but gasped when she spotted Clark, Lana nearly bumping her from behind when she suddenly stopped. She heard Lana suck in a quiet breath when she too spotted Clark. He was sprawled out on the hammock, arms askew, the closest foot barely brushing the floor as it dangled from the side, leaving him wide open to any visitors that may drop in. His shirtless and thankfully asleep body lay basking in an errant ray of sun that shone in, seeming to highlight the fact that the top two buttons on his button-fly shorts were undone. Avidly Chloe's eyes followed the exposed thin trail of dark hair that played peek-a-boo with his pants.

Her camera was in her hands and snapping several photos before she was fully aware of what she was doing. When she felt Lana's gentle fingers nudge her from behind she returned her camera to her purse. "Clark?" she called out softly.

Sleepy eyes that seemed to be bluer than green in this light fluttered open and locked with her own green eyes. "Hey you two," he greeted drowsily, they watched as a languid hand rubbed gently across sun kissed skin.

"We didn't mean to wake you," Lana offered, unobtrusive in manner as in voice from behind Chloe's more sparkling form.

A slow blink as raven lashes briefly kissed his cheeks, "It's alright," he murmured as he refocused on Lana, obviously drowsy enough to miss the fact that he was half naked and half exposed. "How was the mall?"

"Found some really cute outfits on sale!" Lana seemed to brighten as the subject turned to one she could excel in. She filled Clark in on some of the really great bargains that she had come across.

"That's great," Clark tossed the pair a heavy-eyed smile that made Chloe weak in the knees.

"Yeah," Chloe agreed, hoping that the trembling in the pit of her stomach at what were Clark's bedroom eyes didn't surface in her voice. "We should let you get back to your nap. We just wanted to let you know we made it back safely."

A sighed 'okay' and then Clark was asleep once again. Chloe tugged Lana back to the car and they drove away in breathless chatter.

"Did you see that?" Lana asked blissfully.

"I did! Ugh," Chloe groaned in pleasure, "Everyone should have to do farm chores if they're going to end up all hunky like that!"

"Mmm, so true. Those pictures last week, just wow. And did you notice Pete? When did he start working out?" They both grinned and laughed and drove home to squeal over the mall purchases and pictures captured that day.


	5. Feeding Clark

Sorry about the wait between posts, it's inventory week at work and they're being total meanies and taking away days off. Sooooo not fair, how am I to write the rest of this story? I know this might seem like a slow chapter but it's setting up for the next couple of scenes. We like scenes right? Hehe of course we do, especially the ones that seem to emerge from what they call my twisted mind. : P

Scary-Girly - Glad you're getting a few good laughs outta this. Really happy that you're liking it enough to review.

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff n' Shameless...

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**Talon – Feeding Clark**

When the Talon's bell jingled at the entry of her next customer Lana turned away from the espresso machine hoping that Chloe's and her hard work would be put to use. They had stayed after hours the night before and set up a novelty web cam mixed in amongst the artsy baubles on the back wall. The camera was being monitored by Chloe in the office where she was being kept sane with a steady supply of caffeine. When she saw the two handsome teens that often starred in her personal fantasies she flashed a bright and welcoming smile. They both beamed at her in return, quickly taking a seat at the counter to join her.

"Hi Clark, hello Pete," Lana greeted as she placed the finished drink on a tray with its waiting mates for the waitress to take. She brushed off her hands with a light dusting on her apron and asked with a light teasing tone, "So what brings you by today?"

Pete grinned at both her and Clark, his mobile face impishly expressing his unhappiness with Clark. "Clark's buying me pie because he tricked me into helping him with his chores today."

"I didn't trick you, you helped out all on your own," Clark protested with a slight pout completely belied by the laughter in his eyes.

Pete simply rolled his eyes and gave Lana a long-suffering look as he leaned against the counter, "He held his mom's chicken salad ransom. Ransom I tell ya! He," he pointed dramatically at Clark, who was gallantly trying to keep a neutral expression in the face of Pete's drama, "said if I couldn't help him with his chores then I couldn't possibly hope to help him eat her chicken salad."

Lana issued the obligatory 'girlfriend noise' as she petted the forearm resting on the counter, "Awww, that's horrible of Clark." She teasingly scolded Clark, "You should be ashamed of yourself, Clark. You know no one can resist your mom's food."

Clark just grinned shamelessly at her admonishment and Lana turned her focus back onto Pete, "You must have worked very hard to still be hungry after eating Mrs. Kent's chicken salad."

Pete wasn't one to let opportunity pass him by, taking full advantage of Lana's sympathy, "Worked me like a dog. I never knew Clark could be such a taskmaster!"

Clark snickered, "Some taskmaster I am, I did all the heavy lifting while you did all the whining."

Pete shook his head as he chuckled, "Man, I don't know how you manage to have so much energy after everything you do on the farm. Lift this, shovel that, feed the critters. I'm telling you Lana, the man's got stamina to spare."

As both the boys ribbed each other about the other's weaknesses and laziness Lana turned away to hide her sudden blush at Pete's words. She pulled out two slices of apple pie from the warmer and set them before them and then made each their favorite drinks. She fended off the enthusiastic praises with her usual show of modesty, secretly pleased that she could make Clark and Pete so happy with such simple things.

Lana tried to stay out of the path of the camera as she bustled around the counter and attended to her customers. When Lana saw that everyone was fully occupied she slipped away to her office with a cup of espresso for Chloe's efforts. Chloe's bright grin as she entered told her how everything was progressing.

"Thought I'd bring you a refill," she murmured softly.

Chloe's fingers fluttered around the cup as she excitedly took the offering, "You're a godsend! I ran out when the boys came in and didn't want to miss out on anything."

"We're getting good ones then?"

"Oh yes, definitely have to send some to KryptoAngel so she can work her magic and make more animated pictures for us," Chloe peered at something on the monitor. "Should get back out there, looks like they're nearly finished."

Lana quickly bustled out of the office and eased behind the counter catching the tail end of the boy's conversation. "Mom left her garden and dad left the painting of the barn. Other than that it's basic maintenance for this week."

Pete nodded, "I'll try and stop by for the barn painting, just give me a call. Will you need any help with the deliveries?"

Clark looked thoughtful, "No, I think I've got that covered, just help with the barn so it'll pass quicker." He looked up to see Lana looking expectantly in their direction.

"Will you two need a refill?" She held up the coffee pot up towards the pair at the counter, hoping to distract from the fact that she had been eavesdropping.

Clark's face flushed slightly, "Um, no I think I'm all set. How about you Pete?"

Pete shook his head, "Naw, I'm all done. I should get back to the house though, mom's expecting me to help out with cleaning the house."

Clark slapped his hand solidly on Pete's shoulder as he moved to get up, "Thanks for helping me out this morning, Pete. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing Clark," Pete called back as he sauntered out the door. Clark turned his attention back towards Lana and paid for the pies and drinks. "I should get back to the farm, thanks for the pie Lana."

"You're welcome Clark, I'll see you later," she called as he moved outside, putting his money in the till. From her place at the counter she saw Lex and Clark meet up, Lex's cool smile crossing his face at something Clark said. Lana quietly sighed at the teasing smirk that danced on Clark's lips as Lex leaned casually against the building, lips moving as he said something that caused Clark to laugh. Clark tilted his head, clearly an invitation to join him…

"Lana? Hello?" The slightly exasperated tone of the customer in front of her jerked her dreamy expression from the window.

"I'm so sorry Karen, what can I get for you?" She flushed in embarrassment hoping that no one picked up that she was mooning over Clark. He was supposed to moon over her, and she was supposed to be oblivious so he'd continue to moon. _'No one does wistful desire like Clark can,´_ she thought to herself as Karen repeated her order.

By the time she had a chance to look out the window Clark had already gone and Lex was moving confidently up to her counter. "Your usual?"

Lex nodded and she filled the silence with chatter. "You missed Clark a few minutes ago," she offered knowing full well he didn't.

"Ran into him on my way in, said he had to get supplies ready for painting the barn tomorrow," Lex corrected while he waited for his drink.

"Ah, he mentioned something about that, Pete's supposed to help him out," she turned to see that Lex had made himself comfortable lounging against the counter, coolly observing the people as they went about their lives.

"Where's Chloe? She's usually in here this time of day getting her hourly dose of caffeine," his remark held a touch of fond amusement as he cast his gaze around the room.

"She's in the back working on a project. I've been supplying her hourly doses to avoid the emergence of the 'Evil One'," Lana offered a small pleased smile as she handed Lex his drink in a to-go cup.

Lex laid a bill on the counter as he took his drink, "I've seen what evils a Sullivan can invoke when they've been deprived of their caffeine. That's an experience that should be avoided with all possible effort. It's also why I keep the coffee pot in my office always full," his wink as he took a sip pulled a small giggle from Lana's lips and she gave a small wave as he walked out the doors.

Once she was assured that she was free to run back to the office she bolted. "Chloe!" she cried out as soon as the door shut.

Chloe jerked her eyes from the monitor where she was working and trained them on Lana. "What? What's going on?"

"Lex just told me that Clark and Pete are planning on painting the barn tomorrow," Lana gushed, clasping her hands tightly in her excitement of her discovery.

Chloe flashed a pleased smile, "Excellent, we don't have any of Clark painting, or Pete for that matter. I'll be sure to get to sleep early tonight so I'll be up in time for 'Painter Clark.'"


	6. The Power of Clark

I had a hard time getting this chapter to turn out the way I envisioned, so I humbly beg forgiveness for the long wait between the updates. Hopefully, the next chapter won't be so stubborn. : D

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...

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**Behold the Power of Clark –**

On the screen flashed an icon of a well-sculpted man-chest with the word ('Golden'), then abs ('Rapturous'), that flashed a worn denim ass ('Untouchable') that then changed into a flash of wryly-twisted lips ('Luscious') shyly turned away before ending in 'Farm-Boy'. Had he not known beforehand to whom those body parts belonged to he would have sent one of the many minions in his pay out to find out. He looked for the most recent entry and found:

**--Current mood**: Ecstatically Aroused--

--Everyone give KryptoAngel a great big helping of cyber hugs for the wonderful icons she's provided! _/hugs/ _As many of you are probably wondering, 'What's been going on with our favorite yet clueless star of the show?' Well, this week he's alone at home. /squee/ Mmmm, this morning Farm-Boy was painting the barn (click here to see) with his friend the Lady's-Man. Only having the Smooth-Criminal there today could have topped what transpired today. Ugh! Just makes me want to run over and pinch that ass!--

Lex let his eyes narrow slightly, _'Smooth-Criminal? I don't know whether I should be flattered or affronted.'_ Deciding to wait on judgment for that particular nickname pending the tone of voice used with it Lex continued to read.

--Okay, before I get completely lost in fantasyland I'd better get it all out in order. Early this morning, earlier than the birds I swear, I rolled my sleepy butt outta bed and made ready for another day of Farm-Boy watching. My cohort had to work early shift this morning else I'd make her chase down this lead. Though I'd swear Farm-Boy has a preternatural sense that alerts him whenever The Pink is around. Perhaps it's best that I'm heading out all the time, it wouldn't do to alert the unsuspecting, especially when you're after the good shots.--

--So, earliness and nothing up except for the cows and chickens…and then _it_ happens. Farm-Boy wanders out of the house in all of his sleep tousled glory. You can tell he hasn't done more than drag on his shorts and rub the sleep from his eyes. /sighs/ I swear, it's a sight that will never leave me for the rest of my life. Ever. I practically had to bite myself to keep from jumping his shirtless body and dragging him off to the cellar to have my wicked way with him. Can anyone say 'Fantasies?' I knew you could. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm used to wearing lacy bras I'd have been seriously chafing.--

_'Not something I'd have expected a teenaged girl to admit to, but then again, this is Chloe,'_ he thought in amusement. The idea of a sleepy Clark being dragged off to places unknown was not something he was unfamiliar with, having toyed with the concept himself on several occasions. Shifting slightly in his chair he returned his focus to the LiveJournal before him.

--Farm-Boy ends up feeding the animals and dragged out the supplies needed for the painting festival before returning to the house. I know it'll be some time before he'll return to me, to the outside. He'll be fixing himself food for breakfast and it'll be a while before he's done. His appetite is legendary in this town, you know he's always hungry, and watching him eat? It's an exercise in self-control, watching him slipping that utensil in past his lips and then wrapping around the tool to suck it clean. The way the tip of his tongue pokes out to capture the slightest bit of food at the corner of his mouth. Watching how his eyes close in pleasure whenever his mom feeds him one of her pies. I swear, he should come with his own pornographic warning label. You can watch, but you can't let him know you're getting off on it.--

"You could do well in romance, Chloe," he murmurs after reading her little tangent on Clark's eating habits. Chloe's words calling up many memories of watching Clark and feeling nearly the exact same thing while he ate. Mustn't let Clark know he was being observed. If movies and playing pool wasn't quite right for the situation, then offer to feed the boy. You certainly can't go wrong with feeding the boy.

--Yes, I know I'm rambling about the Farm-Boy, but can you blame me? You, dear reader, at least only get him in small doses. I, however, live in the same town, go to the same school, am one of his best friends. I should be allowed some leeway in this, don't you think? Now…after what seems like a half hour our very own Lady's-Man shows up and wanders inside. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the family wall, the things you could see and hear.--

--Painting a barn, surprisingly enough, is no different than painting a room. You're just outside instead of in, up on a taller ladder than on chairs, and the possibility of shirtlessness is _so_ much greater. The Lady's-Man is a prankster, no getting around it, and the minute the shirts come off and Farm-Boy's bronzed back is turned the paint flies. You'll just have to look through some of the pictures to fully appreciate the look of stunned that Farm-Boy gets. There's a good six different versions that he has in his arsenal ranging from "You just kicked my puppy" to "Did that pig just fly?" This one…this one is definitely a new one, and if I didn't know the Farm-Boy so well I would have bet that look would have ended the two of them in a very secluded pile of hay in the barn for some _/coughs/_ retaliation. Mmmmm, now that's an image I think I'll contemplate while trying to sleep.--

Lex sat back and rested his elbows on his chair with his hands steepled before him. So, he was the 'Smooth-Criminal', Lana 'The Pink', Pete the 'Lady's-Man', and Clark was the 'Farm-Boy'. Chloe's tag marked her as 'The Nose', which struck him as amusing enough to smirk at. That only left 'KryptoAngel' to place, and from the report sitting on his desk, that person accesses that account from the school's computers. Perhaps a science girl that Clark knows that he doesn't know about.

Lex put the report back into its folder and locked it away in his desk for later musings. It was while he was delving deeper into the LiveJournal that he discovered the origins of 'Smooth-Criminal.' The passing maid paused and quirked her head at the rare noise that drifted out of the office. As far as she knew, Mr. Kent hadn't stopped by yet today.

_'Apparently I have sex hips that gives me criminal sex appeal,'_ Lex laughed at her description of his 'sex hips walk' but was pleased to find that she flat out refused to put his picture on the net on the basis that he was too recognizable. He saw the many requests for his photo and the phone number for the Farm-Boy. He was both amazed and bemused at the amount of time girls thought about and gossiped about "The Sexy" values of the people in their lives. Which guys had the eyes, the voice, every body part itemized and categorized and then piecemealed together to create the ultimate dream man.

In the middle of Chloe's comical recounting of the 'Super-Soaker Summer' Lex heard the familiar heavy footfalls of 'The Farm-Boy' approaching his office. With a few quick keystrokes he powered down his laptop and awaited the arrival of Clark.


	7. Luthor Manor

I know, it's been a while, but for some reason these last few chapters are being stubborn. I think my muse may be napping...in Florida.

This week on 'Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...'

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**Luthor Manor**

"Come in Clark," Lex's preemptive call prevented the coming knock on his office door, instead admitting a grinning Clark. Lex allowed a small tilt to his lips as he took in Clark's happy mien.

"Guess what Lex?" Clark playfully demanded as he strode into the room allowing the doors to fall shut behind him.

Lex allowed the silence build as he rose to his feet and speculatively circled Clark, as if the secret to his question could be discerned from his body. He stifled the smirk that threatened to cross his lips when Clark started fidgeting where he stood, the secret too great for him to contain for much longer. Finally, at Clark's exasperated "Guess!" Lex blithely tossed, "You asked Lana out and she said yes."

Clark rolled his eyes as only a teen could do properly, "Wrong, guess again."

Lex rubbed his chin as he teased Clark once again by studying him. Finally he guessed, "You asked Chloe out and she said yes?"

An exasperated sigh joined the second eye roll and an exaggerated, "Noooo, guess again."

Lex chuckled as Clark flopped into his customary spot across the couch with a great heaving sigh when he said, "I give up Clark, what?"

Clark watched as Lex moved to the mini-fridge and retrieved two bottled waters, waiting until Lex had seated himself before exclaiming joyfully, "Barring the evening chores, I have completed everything that needed to be done at the farm today!"

Lex felt his mouth curl in an answering smile, knowing full well that there were no parents waiting for Clark's immediate return. "So that means you can stay for a couple rounds of pool."

"No, that means that we've got enough time to actually use the real pool," Clark corrected teasingly.

"Oh really? How do you know it's not drained?"

"Because Mrs. Pierce told me that she was going to bring the double batch of her raspberry chocolate chip cookies to the pool house and if we were hoping to have some then that's where we should be."

Clark laughed when Lex huffed and rose to his feet, leading the way towards the pool, "I swear, my cook lives to feed you Clark. She just gives me these looks that implies mass destruction if I don't eat everything on my plate. You should hear some of the things she says to try and get me to eat."

"I can't help it Lex, I've got a healthy appetite, and you hire cooks that like to have their food eaten," stifled snickers shook Clark's shoulders as he followed casually behind.

"Healthy if you've got the metabolism of a hummingbird and a hollow leg," Lex snarked as they came upon the poolroom. "If I didn't know better I'd say you two were conspiring to get me to eat more."

"Oh! You've caught me!" Clark cried out dramatically while clutching at his chest, staggering through the door. "I'll just have to save your waistline and eat all those cookies myself now."

"In your dreams farm boy," Lex mock growled as he lightly pushed Clark towards the dressing rooms. "You're just lucky that you're my best friend, I don't share those cookies with just anyone, especially cookie gobbling farm boys."

"Sticks and stones Lex," came the singsong reply before the door closed fully on the rest of the phrase.

"May break your bones but your lips and flesh still tease me," he sighed softly as he entered his own dressing room girding himself to an afternoon of watching a nearly naked, golden wet farm boy playing in his pool.

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Lex couldn't believe his luck. _'No wait, yes I can,'_ he thought sourly to himself. The poolside antics that Clark had been entertaining him with had been interrupted by an emergency phone call from none other than Chloe herself. Apparently, The Nose had been driving by the Kent Farm, _'Most likely stalking the place looking for where Clark had hidden himself,'_ when the cattle had gotten loose and were roaming the roadside. Of course, being the good son that he was, Clark quickly made his apologies, dressed, and dashed out of the house before he could offer him a ride back to his home. 

By the time Lex had changed his own clothes and driven out to the farm Clark was studiously herding the cattle back into the corral that they had escaped from, the expression on his face showing that this was a common occurrence on the farm. He offered to keep Clark company while he repaired the fence that had allowed the cows their brief taste of freedom. Clark grinned affably and thanked him for the offer as he strapped on a leather tool belt and loaded it down with the tools that he would need.

"It's the least I can do Clark, especially as I don't think I'd be much help with the repairs."

Clark had only laughed and ribbed him a little about getting his clothes all dirty by lugging around the heavy posts. At least he didn't imply that Lex was too weak to carry them around, but he could see how a teenaged boy would come about having a body like that. Lift, bend, flex and sweat your way to a better body by working on a farm. He knew of gym fanatics that paid hundreds of dollars a month in gym fees and personal trainers to have a body like Clark's but couldn't seem to achieve the naturalness to their physique that Clark did.

He was glad that he managed to carry on a conversation with Clark without betraying how he felt or the fact that the majority of his concentration was tied up in the picture that Clark presented. He had changed clothes by the time Lex had arrived into a pair of faded and worn jeans, the ever present yellow work boots and a small white t-shirt that looked like it had been painted on his body. The tool belt hung heavy on his hips conspiring with gravity to tug down the waistline of Clark's jeans with every jostle and jerk that Clark made while repairing the fence.

By the time he had gone home he had realized that he hadn't seen any traces of Chloe around the farm. He spent a couple of minutes wondering about this until he remembered her penchant for taking photos of Clark while he wasn't looking. Deciding that if he couldn't have an afternoon of live 'Pool-Boy Clark' then he'd settle for reading through past variations of Clark on Chloe's LiveJournal. Besides…he had to finish the recounting of the 'Super-Soaker Summer.'


	8. Studly Stable Boy

Oi! I've been seriously remiss in updating my fics and for that I beg forgivness! But it's not entirely my fault, most of it lays on the shoulders of the people I work for. They cut the manpower of my job from six people down to 2 and I've been going 2 months of work for every 4 days off. I've just been much too tired to do more than do laundry, dishes and then sleep. But...I've vacation time coming up (YAY ME!) so hopefully I'll be able to finish this story off and then begin more than bunny harvesting for the next story.

To my reviewers I say a hearty Thank you! Without them I'd not know how my stories were going over. So these are for you : D

To TEENTITAN - I'm sorry that the descriptive writing you found was disturbing to you, but that is why I put the higher rating on there. On the other hand it does tell me that my words have caused you to use your imagination which is kinda what I wanted. So... :D

To Crazy Danae - I'm happy that you liked the story so far. As for the slash tendancies...the way I see it is: On tv you only get to see and hear what the show shows you, but when you read a book/story you can see what the characters are thinking and feeling beyond facial expression and body language. If you look at it in that manner, Lex isn't really acting outwardly too different from the shows, I'm just taking liberties with his motives and thoughts hehe.

To Scary-Girly - A resounding SQUEEEE to you, without your encouragement this fic would have been completed at my leisure on my hard drive never to be seen again on the net beyond the second chapter.

As for those who think it's Clark who is KryptoAngel, keep reading, you may be surprised or perfectly on target.

This week on "Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless"...**

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****Clark the Studly Stable Boy – **

This day at the Talon was much like any other day when Chloe burst through the door like a human-super-ball and sped unerringly towards her target behind the counter. Lana looked up at the sound of the door and an excited gleam entered her eye as she saw who was moving quickly towards her, a large smile crossing her face in welcome. Both girls tossed a quick furtive glance around before leaning slightly upon the counter.

"Did you get something good today?" Lana asked eagerly, her voice dropping into a breathless murmur.

Chloe's sun-kissed cheeks grew flushed with excitement. A quick glance around showed no nearby waitresses or customers that could possibly overhear her words.

"Bench presses today," Chloe clarified.

"Oooh, those will be good."

Chloe nodded, "Pete's in them too. Can't wait till Halloween." She sighed.

"Why?" Lana asked.

"Only time of the year when I can trick Clark into leather."

Lana gasped quietly, eyes closing as she imagined the sight. "Maybe you can get Lex to do it," she sighed.

Chloe nodded, "That's a good idea, just have to pitch it right."

"Pitch what just right?" Lex's voice rolled over Chloe like silk.

She cast a mischievous grin at Lex over her shoulder, "Bondage Clark."

She smirked at the astonished look Lex leveled at her, "Excuse me?"

Chloe turned fully towards him dropping her elbows onto the counter as she leaned against it. "For Halloween," she clarified. "We were trying to figure out how to get Clark into leather."

Lex gave the two plotting girls a sly grin, "Are you really? Perhaps I could talk him into it."

"Really?" hopeful looks around.

"Sure, I'll see what I can do."

The two girls sighed happily, Lex moved to his usual table. _'So they've caught Clark working out…now they want leather…'_


	9. Lex on the Job

This has been like the best vacation ever...going to bed late, waking up late...reading tons of fanfic...and the best part? I started my own LJ to use as a place to store my ideas until I work them into a proper story. So if you stumble across it feel free to drop me a "heya!"

So for this week in "Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless"...**

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****Later that day at the mansion – Lex's Study**

Lex had arrived home to find that Clark was in his study sprawled across the couch with a well-worn paperback book, a plate of cookies on the coffee table before him and a large glass of cold milk. He allowed a small lift to his lips as he watched his friend mindfully wipe the gathering droplets of moisture off of the glass to prevent any unsightly water spots to his furniture. It didn't take Clark long to notice his presence, looking up from his snack, a huge grin crossing his face even as Lex moved from the doorway.

"Hey Lex," Clark certainly sounded happy to see him and he raised his plate of cookies out to Lex after he settled into his favorite chair, a cold water bottle retrieved from the mini-bar. "Want a cookie? Mrs. Pierce gave me a bunch while I waited for you."

"I'm telling you Clark, she lives to feed you," Lex languidly reached out and pulled a cookie off of the plate. "All done with the farm for the day?"

Clark nodded as he put the plate back onto the table, "Got all my chores done with Pete's help. Dad said I could take the rest of the day off."

Lex smiled, "So you decided to see what I was up to, eh?"

Clark's answering grin easily eclipsed the grin he received when he arrived, "Of course! Had to drop by and make sure you were still safe and sound. Hasn't been an attempt on your life in nearly a month."

Clark's snickers goaded him into gasping melodramatically, "I think you're right Clark, it would seem I'm long over due!" A low throaty chuckle as he conspiratorially leaned towards Clark, his leather chair creaking at his movement and asked in a low voice when Clark leaned closer as well, "Have you given thought about Halloween, Clark?"

Clark's teasing gaze shifted into Innocent bemusement at the odd question, the green eyes gradually blinking at him. "Lex," he said as if it were the most important thing in the world and thus must be stated slowly, "It's August."

"Yes, it is," he couldn't help the slightly mischievous mood that twisted his grin slightly. "I overheard Lana and Chloe planning their costumes at the Talon before I left for home."

That bit of news seemed to have captured Clark's interest, "Really? What are they going as?"

"Well, from what I overheard they were debating what everyone else should wear," he waved his hand in a gesture in a way that implied that all was explained in his statement.

"Uh-oh…" Clark leaned away from Lex at the news, trepidation stamped across his expressive features. Lex glanced at Clark who hurried to explain his hesitance, "That's their dangerous phase. I'd suggest avoiding them until they've settled on something."

"You sound like you've experienced what happened when you don't," amusement and gentle teasing colored his tone as Lex carefully watched for Clark's reaction.

Clark ducked his head away and blushed on cue, "Yeah, in the eighth grade Chloe found out I didn't have a costume picked out so she convinced my mom that going as Raggedy Ann and Andy would be great."

Lex had the feeling that there was more to this story and when Clark didn't seem to be forthcoming with the rest he reached out and nudged him with his foot, "And?"

Clark shifted slightly and the red hue that could be seen blazing on his neck burned even brighter, "She ended up going as something else and didn't tell me."

Lex seemed to consider what Clark said, waited till Clark leaned closer in curiosity, then offered, "So have an idea ready before they get one for you."

Clark didn't seem too reassured by that statement; "I've tried that, most of the time they just toss out my ideas as being 'not right' for me."

"Guess we'll have to think of something they won't toss out of hand, something that appeals to their 'high standards' for the proper costume."

Clark's mouth fought valiantly to stifle the snickers at that, "What do you suggest?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, as long as it's something my parents would approve of. If Chloe and Lana knew you picked it out they wouldn't try to get me to pick something else."

Lex studied Clark for a moment then simply said, "Leather."

Clark blinked, "Leather?"

Lex nodded, "Oh yes, something like Neo from the Matrix or Tyr from Andromeda. You've certainly the form for Tyr."

"You watch Andromeda?" Clark asked in amazement, "Since when?"

"Does it matter? It's a costume idea, and it's one the girls won't be too hasty to veto."

Clark frowned as he thought about it, "Tyr would be pretty cool but I don't think I could afford to buy the chain shirt."

Lex nodded, "You could make your own, shouldn't be too hard."

Lex rose to his feet and moved over to his desk where his laptop waited. Opening his laptop he searched for chain mail and quickly had instructions on supplies and crafting printing out. "Says here you can use fencing wire to make the rings. The tools shown here your dad should already have in the barn somewhere."

"Really?"

"Really. Think about it." Clark beamed as he took the sheaf of papers.

"Thanks Lex! I'll see if dad wants to help."

Lex grinned at Clark's enthusiasm to get started right away, "I'll see if Bruce has an old pair of leather pants you can borrow. He's about your size."

"Awesome! I'll see you later, Lex!"

Lex waved a hand at Clark's retreating form. _Well, that wasn't so hard…_


	10. Lex is the best!

Crazy Danae: I've only seen like the first 5 episodes of Andromeda, just enough to find Tyr hunky :D Not sure who the other guy is but hey any hunky-hunk is a good hunky-hunk, right? Hehe. I'm really sorry to have made you wait so long for an update, promise I'll try to get one out more often until this fic is done. Good news is that I've got another one in the works and my muse is being completely evil about it! EVIL! She shows me these scenes and I think...O.o! That'd be great...and while I'm writing it down she warps it from what she originally tells me.

Well...This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...**

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**Talon – later that week:**

The quiet atmosphere of the Talon contributed greatly to getting his work completed with a minimal amount of headache. Lex barely noticed the waitress that refilled his coffee, his eyes trained on a long list of numbers that his fingers were quickly inputting into his laptop. It was the weight of someone's gaze that raised a slight shiver down his spine, and the rapid clicks of keys petered out to silence as he raised his eyes to find his watcher.

It didn't take him long to find the person as Chloe was straddled over a nearby chair, her chin resting on her arms upon the back of the chair. A grin crept across her lips as a devious twinkle sparkled in her eyes when she saw Lex notice her, "So?"

"Pardon my lack of manners," Lex's turned his full attention towards Chloe while gesturing towards the empty seat at his table. "Please, will you join me, Miss Sullivan?"

Chloe rolled her eyes at his extravagant invitation but wasted little time moving into the offered chair. "So? How did it go?" she prompted eagerly.

Knowing full well what she was speaking of Lex couldn't help but indulge in a bit of sport, "How did what go? There are a great many things that I'm involved in, as you can see…" an encompassing gesture at the cluttered table before him.

She loosed a long-suffering sigh, "How did it go with getting Clark to agree to wearing leather for Halloween?"

"Ahhh, how did _that 'it'_ go," he lifted his coffee cup to his lips, greatly enjoying the growing agitation that she was displaying at his delay tactics.

"Yes, that _it_. How did it go? Did you manage to get him to agree to wear leather?" She prompted when he leisurely sipped his coffee.

Lex settled his cup in its saucer before calmly stating, "I'm a bit hurt that you would even harbor a shred of doubt to my negotiating skills."

"Oh please, you could talk practically anyone into doing anything given enough time…but this is Clark we're talking about. He still blushes whenever he has to shower in gym class with the rest of the guys. So spill!" Chloe's hands came fairly close to whacking him a couple of times as she talked

"Very well, if only to fend off possible concussion from flailing hands." He paused long enough to straighten his shirt before announcing, "Mission accomplished with a bonus. Clark will be wearing leather for Halloween."

"Bonus? Spill!"

"How would you feel about chain mail?"

"Really!"

Wincing at the pitch he slowly rubbed the base of his right ear, "Yes, and don't harass him about it or he'll duck out for something safe."

"Oh, you're the best!" In a flurry of color he thought he saw teeth and felt a hug before she was gone. He blinked trying to reorient himself when he heard the supersonic squealing coming from the far corner booth. '_Just as I thought, communication on the supersonic frequencies.'_ It wasn't long before he found his place and continued with his work.


	11. Membership Renewal

Wow, I didn't think it would take this long to settle on how I wanted this section to turn out...laughs As I mentioned in my profile for those who like to know what's going on with my stories, this section has been written and rewritten about nine different times from different vantage points. The profile gets updated each time I think of a new story or update one of my current ones. The bad thing about this happening is that it took so dang long to get this chapter out to you. The good part? It's almost 2500 words long, freakin amazing for me when compared to the chapter word counts of my other stories that this place keeps track of.

Scary-Girly - Loving the reviews :D and the touch with the gym showers _/giggles/_ that was a last minute touch that worked out well.

Stanza - I'm glad that I could bring a bit of laughter into your day with this fic. I worried that Chloe 'n Lana were a bit too much but I modeled them after my younger sisters and figured it's called fanfiction for a reason lol, glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the teens act way too old.

Crazy Danae - I promised more Clark in this chapter, I tried to keep it in mind as I worked on it, hope it provides you with enough of a fix to last until the next chapter. :D

Windyfontaine - The Halloween chapter should be next unless my evil muse provides me with enough imagery to work with to flesh out another decent chapter. I'm happy that you've stepped out of the shadows and dropped me a review, really happy as reviews are my candy and chocolates...mmmmm candy and chocolate, gotta run, muse is taunting me!

I am thinking more seriously on finding a beta, even if it's just to prod me in the right direction when I get stuck on parts of my stories.

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...**

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****At the Mall – Membership Renewal**

Bold gold font scrolled slowly up the monitor against a maroon background, an army of dutiful letters telling stories of adventures that happened in the sleepy little town of 'LustVille,' home of the Farm-Boy. A disturbance at the curtain pulled the attention of the reader, alerting them to the imminent emergence of the occupant. A slow smile pulled the corners of Lex's mouth as he quietly closed his laptop and folded his hands to wait patiently.

Clark stepped from the dressing room, the curtain sliding from his shoulder like a reluctant parting touch in Lex's fanciful imagination, and a relieved smile graced his friend's lips when green eyes lockedwith his own blue.

"I really appreciate you bringing me back out here to exchange these, Lex," Clark walked further from the dressing room to better show Lex how his current selection fit. "Mom was swamped with orders for the Talon and Dad was busy with the farm."

"Well, it wasn't like I was going out of my way to bring you to Metropolis," Lex smoothly cut through Clark's nervous rambling and gestured for him to take a look at himself in the mirror. "I did have some papers that needed to be brought to my father today and some documents to review." Clark nodded at his words and cast a quick look at the mirror to his side from under his bangs before returning his focus to Lex, awaiting his approval. Schooling his face into an expression of thoughtful consideration Lex pressed his fingertips together and brought them up to his mouth as he studied Clark and his clothes.

_…The color his face turned when The Pink and I started whistling when he stepped out of the dressing room with those tight black pants that we picked out clinging to his long legs and that ass…well lets just say that we both were amazed that he hadn't burst into flames and set off the fire alarm…and how he managed to pour himself into those pants we shall never know. If curtains could tell tales…_

Now, these pants were nowhere near as tight as the pair that he had come to exchange, but they weren't the usual baggy monstrosities that he had sported when they first became friends. The straight cut clung just enough around the hips to hint at the well-developed muscles yet allowed Clark the comfort of his sensibilities. His gaze rose from the dark blue jeans and traveled up to the heather gray sweater that draped comfortably on Clark's upper body. The color worked well with Clark's more exotic coloring, something that wouldn't clash horribly with the flame red flush that had a tendency of burning across the high cheekbones.

…_Thank god for overly strong air conditioning that can be found in clothing stores after 'suffering' a 3-hour drive baking in a tiny car, it has an interesting effect on body parts. If it wasn't for the fact that the store didn't have any shirts smaller than the one The Pink had picked out…_

Lex twirled his index finger indicating that Clark slowly turn around so that he could see the full effect. Chloe's voice quietly murmuring the words he had just been reading as Clark nodded slightly and raised his arms a few inches from his waist and pivoted in place, eyes watching his careful steps as his view of Lex moved from his line of sight.

_…Think extra small sheer black t-shirt on an extra large frame, if the air conditioning was any colder his nipples probably would have ripped through the shirt when he inhaled, much to the delight of the assisting clerks…_

Mortification colored a voice cast low enough that no one other than Lex could hear, "It was so embarrassing…" A furtive glance around to see if anyone could hear him, then, "I heard one of the other customers while I was changing tell Chloe that she shouldn't bring me out in public with so many clothes on, it was a crime against nature to have so much 'Grade-A man-meat' covered."

As Lex had thought, when the brushfire that scorched Clark's face flared, the color of the sweater didn't clash or make the redness more pronounced. He gave Clark a wry grin and gently shook his head sympathetically with Clark's distress. He lowered his hands to his laptop and leaned back in his chair and Clark waited expectantly for his announcement.

"It would work well with the other clothes that you already have," Lex pronounced while splaying the fingers on his right hand in a small gesture, "As well as giving you a newer, more confident look for this school year without it being such a drastic change to bring undue notice. It is your final year, yes?"

Clark nodded, the unease that had creased his brow smoothing away at the positive endorsement, "Yup, and then it's off to college." A bright grin flashed before he was turning back towards the dressing room, words drifting back over his shoulder, "Anything in particular you want to see next, Lex?"

"I want to see the hunter green polo shirt next Clark, I'm sure the other pair of pants will be fine." Lex watched patiently for the curtain to fall into place before the lid to his laptop came back up, the screen turning back on to Chloe's LiveJournal. Eyes rapidly scanned the page looking for where he left off…ah-ha there it is.

_…Poor Farm-Boy, nearly jumped out of his skin when one of the other customers walked behind him and pinched one of his cheeks, you would have thought the lady mauled him with both hands while shouting "BRRRRRITSKY!" He yelped and bolted for the safety of his dressing room only to find that The Pink deviously took his clothes and hid them in another shopping bag leaving him with just the clothes he had just come out in…_

"They took my clothes and wouldn't let me change into another outfit. I'm not sure how or who they got to take them, but the clerk gave Chloe a discount for the 'walking advertisement.' Why would girls do that?" Clark's bewildered tone clearly carried to him, a quick look towards the room showed Clark's feet pointed away from the curtain, he still had a few moment's to finish the paragraph.

"Well Clark," he said slowly, as if he were taking time to think about what he was saying instead of trying to divide his attention between what he was hearing, saying, and reading. "Some people find it easier to express their interest -" he gave the slightest pause, the girls did what! He continued, trying to keep his voice steady, "- through actions than words, sometimes the actions only have significance to the person performing the action."

_…When the Farm-Boy refused to leave the safety of his dressing room The Pink resorted to blatant manipulation. Boy are we **ever** lucky his mother taught him to be nice to girls, because I don't think very many people would have fallen for it had they grown up in the big city. The Pink gives me a quick wink before her face crumpled in an exquisite display of soul deep heartbreak. She bowed her head, long dark hair falling like a silk curtain to shield her face from the world and a single sound, the softest hitch of breath issued from within._

"You mean like when you hear parents telling each other that when a boy in elementary school pulls on a girl's hair or trips her it's because he really likes her?" The soft thoughtful words were accompanied by the sounds of rustling clothes and Lex looked up quickly to see a single sock clad foot surrounded by the bunched leg of light blue jeans joined quickly by another sock clad foot. 'He decided to try on the other pair of pants,' he realized, 'excellent…'

_…I've said it before and I'll say it again, Farm-Boy has a preternatural sense when it comes to anything regarding The Pink. She sniffed, and I mean the kind of sniff when you're sad but trying to hide it. Farm-Boy popped his head out not even two breaths after she sniffed, saw her pose and without further hesitation he's by her side asking her what was wrong in that soft 'I really care about how you feel' croon that makes you want to lean into him. How in the hell did he hear it over the air conditioning, customer chatter, in-store music, and cash register? It was barely loud enough for **me** to hear and I was only a chair away!_

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," he answered, distracted and torn between wanting to tease Clark for his obvious gullibility when it came to a certain pink princess's wiles and showing him that he was being snowed over. He could hear Clark hopping around in the tiny cubicle as he pulled on his other pair of pants, the rustling of fabric and the sounds of a zipper pulled closed spurred him to read the next paragraph faster.

…_The Pink wouldn't raise her head when she reluctantly confessed that she only wanted to spend an afternoon with him in town while he wore something that she had picked out for him. He told her that he didn't mean to hurt her feelings, that he'd wear them for the afternoon…you could literally see his anxiety ratchet up as each concession he made failed to get her to look at him. When he offered to carry her purchases for her so she could be free to see the shops her hand raised to wipe at her cheek while brushing the hair from her face. "You don't have to do that for me," she told him softly, still looking at the floor.._

"Why wouldn't they just come out and say something instead of embarrassing me like that?" Clark's words and sigh were muffled by the shirt being pulled over his head and by the curtain that rustled when the outline of an elbow pressed against it. It didn't sound like Clark was expecting an answer but it did take much of his restraint not to point out Clark's own continued avoidance on asking the pink princess to be his girlfriend. It also looked like he might have enough time to finish off the next paragraph in the entry.

…"_I know but-" he said, The Pink cut him off with merely a look, his words faltering as he waited. "Could we just get something to eat at the food court instead?" Her slight hesitation at the request had Farm-Boy nodding his agreement before she finished asking. "And perhaps-" she paused…_

With a start at the sound of the curtain being opened, Lex closed the laptop before he could finish the next section. He was thankful that he had learned from an early age to present a calm demeanor towards the rest of the world, it was times like these when it came in handy. Clark flashed him another grateful grin for his 'sacrifice' that wasn't and turned in place at Lex's prompting awaiting his final decision. The sun-bright smile that Clark gave him when he deemed it 'good enough' was thanks enough. He knew it wasn't just for taking him back to the stores and getting the clothes exchanged, it was for listening to him tell a very edited version of what happened on his shopping trip and not pushing platitudes in one form or another to excuse or explain what happened.

"Would you like to grab some dinner before heading back to Smallville? Or are you too famished to bypass the food court?"

Lex chuckled when he heard Clark's stomach loudly announce its presence while they were completing their clothing transaction. Clark's face flamed bright red as the cute clerk loosed a tiny giggle at the droll tones but she could clearly see the teasing half smirk that flickered across Lex's mouth. Clark ducked his head and mumbled something about being able to wait. Lex breathed an internal sigh of relief, thanked Clark for his consideration, and quickly drove them to one of Metropolis's family owned restaurants.

When they arrived the owners heartily greeted them, "It's so good to see you, Lex! Welcome back!" When Clark's questioning gaze met his after they were seated in their booth he simply replied, "I used to come here to eat before, during my clubbing days. I suggest the briam, or the pastitsio if you're feeling adventurous."

Clark looked thoughtfully at the menu, eyes scanning over the unfamiliar words before he looked over to Lex, "So what's pastitsio?"

A slow smile crossed his face as he filled Clark in on the contents of the food choices, relating them to foods he would be more familiar with. Clark did end up with the pastitsio, his surprised reaction to actually liking the Greek casserole brought laughter to their table. After the initial surprise wore off Clark dug into the food with gusto and filled Lex in on the rest of his shopping trip with the two girls. Clark blushed, Lex laughed, and they left with the well wishes and reminders that they were always welcome to come back.

When Lex entered his office after dropping Clark back at the Kent Farm he found a folder on his desk from the investigator he had hired to find out where Chloe was keeping these pictures of hers. As his laptop powered up he read through the report, which simply listed a date, time and location. It was meaningless to anyone else but to Lex it told him that KryptoAngel had been active, today while he was shopping with Clark in Metropolis. The location surprised him; he didn't think that the person would be so bold as to access from the public library where anyone could discover them in the act.

After he logged onto the Internet and opened the LiveJournal of The Nose he found where he left off from this afternoon –

…"_And perhaps-" she paused giving Farm-Boy just enough time to swallow the bait, hook, line and sinker with an eager and willing-to-please nod. "Could we take some pictures in the picture booth in the food court?" The pictures? Well, lets just say that the resulting blush and clumsiness was worth 3 hours of entertainment on the drive home. KryptoAngel was awesome in getting these images turned into the work of beauty that is nowmynew LiveJournal icon in such a short time._

KryptoAngel's contribution? The animated gif cycled through the picture booth's 6 pictures showing Clark and Lana posing together, then one where she's kissing his cheek and the resulting shocked expression warring with blissed happiness and a bright red blush as he gazed off camera after Lana's departure.


	12. Critical Costume Failure

I know it's been a long time coming, but I've been working on getting a new job and have been working my butt off as a private dogtrainer for two oversized dobermans that's been wearing me the hell out. So, here ya go. Enjoy:D

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'N Shameless...

**Halloween Hijinks – Critical Costume Failures**

The Halloween party was a success, as if anything hosted by Lex Luthor would be allowed to be anything but. The costumed hoards of the local teens hadn't destroyed the ballroom like he had privately feared, nor had they wandered beyond the 'safe areas' that he had posted. At least the fear of the Luthor name had some beneficial uses; a smirk twisted his lips as he quietly left the clean up to his efficiently working servants. He found himself sitting in his office waiting for his laptop to come online wondering vaguely if LiveJournal could be considered an addiction considering how often he found himself popping over at odd intervals in the day for an update. Lex gave a mental shrug and dismissed it as information gathering, no Luthor would be remiss on that duty, and navigated the links to see if The Nose had been updated. 

There was a brief update, a notice really, stating that today's events were too spectacular to ruin by writing up a sub-par recounting while exhausted. She vowed to have at least the writing up by tomorrow afternoon, pictures as soon as KryptoAngel's services could be acquired. The post wasn't more than an hour old and already there were posts offering their manip skills if she couldn't be reached in time. It really was an amazing thing, seeing how many people who really didn't know anything more than what they were told by Chloe's journal and yet there they were, already on top of the updates as they happened and offering their help without bribery or coercion. He shut down his laptop and left his musings at his desk before wandering upstairs to sleep.

_-Smooth-Criminal held the Halloween bash at his house yesterday night, and folks let me tell ya…it was one hell of a party. Farm-Boy ended up loosing his shirt, and nearly lost his pants. Total shame! But I'll explain that when we get to that part of the story. See, this is what happened: _

_-A couple months ago The Pink and I were plot-ah-discussing how we were going to arrange for Bondage Farm-Boy pictures. By asking Smooth-Criminal to run the idea by Farm-Boy to ensure the success of our plot we were able to prepare our 'surprised' faces for when he defended his costume choice to us. Farm-Boy wouldn't model the outfit for us, no matter how much we begged and pleaded with him. He would only tell us the character that he was basing his idea on, and that he was getting Smooth-Criminal's help in getting the pants. _

_-Everyone started arriving at Smooth-Criminal's home a little after the starting time designated, as if anyone would want to come late. Come late and you might miss out on some pretty interesting things. Farm-Boy was already there by the time The Pink and I arrived, and let me tell you…boy-howdy! Just look at this! How could you be so cruel Farm-Boy and hide this from the world! How!_

KyrptoAngel softly chuckled in the darkened office, the maroon and gold colors from The Nose's LiveJournal lighting one corner while hues of blue flickered from the other computer monitor. With care and attention to the image being currently worked on KryptoAngel turned the photo of Clark rising from the pond into a surreal dreamscape. All but his body was turned into a fuzzy blue-tinged grayness while the water that rippled away from his arched body glowed with a golden hue. Tremors of anticipation rolled in their stomach as layers of faint burnish brushstrokes transformed the naturally golden skin into a bronzed work of art.

As he waited for the rendering on the art program to complete his latest changes, KryptoAngel returned to the other monitor where the rest of the Halloween's events unfolded in all of its embarrassing glory.

_-To get it out of the way, the food was great, the drink even better, and the entertainment to die for. Now that I've said that I can focus my sugar-hyper mind onto the fiasco that was The Pink's costume. This year she wanted to go as a belly dancer, and why not? She's got the body for it, and for once it wasn't pink. Not a single shade of that color. I went as one of those Vegas showgirls, you know the kind that wear tux-tails and the heels and the top hat and have that spiffy cane? Yeah that's the one, that was me! _

_-So we were all enjoying the party, The Pink and I showing off our duds, trailing the Farm-Boy and Lady's-Man as Lady's-Man worked the circuit and was trying to find that one special lady. The songs had been fairly upbeat with a couple of slow ones thrown in so that couples could get some quality time in each other's arms and as The Pink and I had gone stag we decided it was high time that was hit the bathrooms for a break. That's when disaster struck. _

_-One of the other partygoers dressed as Snoopy was leaving the bathroom just as we were approaching the doors when their tail was accidentally caught up sending Snoopy to the ground. They flailed out for anything to catch upon to prevent their fall and unfortunately The Pink was the closest thing. Now she had managed to keep her flimsy pants but the even flimsier top didn't hold out under the onslaught. The straps that held the cups in-place snapped in several places leaving them too short to retie behind her neck. She ducked into the bathroom to hide as Snoopy apologized profusely. Had I not known Farm-Boy was going as Tyr from Andromeda I would have thought he was Snoopy. _

_-I promised to go and get her something to cover up with and ended up running into the Farm-Boy down the hall just outside the party room's doors. Concerned he asked where The Pink was and I quickly told him what had transpired. As usual he offered to help by retrieving his jacket for her to use, however, The Pink loudly protested through the closed door, as she didn't want to miss more of the party, and certainly not wearing a jacket. The Lady's-Man could only shrug his shoulders; he had arrived as a vest-less Sinbad and had nothing he could offer. Me? Well I had a perky long sleeved black short coat that wouldn't even come close to covering her necessary bits. _

_-Farm-Boy gallantly offered the chain shirt off of his back, suggesting that she could tie the broken straps to some of the links and fashion a top out of his that would cover everything without making her miss the party. It didn't take her long to have a hand thrust through the slight crack in the doorway waiting for Farm-Boy's shirt, and within a couple of minutes she reemerged wearing his shirt. She said that it was heavier than what it looked like but was still warm. He colored heavily and it crept down his neck and even his shoulders turned rosy._

A soft chime notified him of the completion of the rendering and with a quick minimization of the LiveJournal window to leave the layout program for the Torch papers he went to see the results of his work. The photo-manip was a success and all he needed to do was put his water signature on it and mail it off to Chloe. It was funny seeing his work on her site, equally as funny seeing all the references to him as 'her.' The door to the Torch opening just as his email confirmation registered made him glad that he had minimized the window to the LiveJournal.

"Just letting you know that I'll be heading home in half an hour, Mr. Ross. Be sure to shut everything down in here before you go," the janitor's voice drifted in softly.

"No problem Mr. D, just putting the finishing touches on this for Chloe for tomorrow. You know how she can get about her projects," Pete replied with a grin.

The janitor laughed and nodded before he shut the door leaving Pete to close down the computers in silence. Pete flipped open his cell phone and dialed Clark while he went through the familiar practice of erasing the presence of his alternate work that didn't involve The Torch. He was picking up his backpack and walking out the door as Clark picked up the phone.

"Hey Clark," Pete greeted as he waved a cheerful good-bye to the janitor.

"Pete! How'd it go tonight?"

"Went great, she wanted a photo of you in the pond worked on. Got it done, should give them something to squeal over for the next couple of days with their net-friends."

"Sounds good to me. Mom's cooked up some chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight, you wanna come over?"

"Would I pass up your mom's cooking?" he asked playfully.

They both laughed before Pete hung up and drove to the Kent Farm for dinner.


	13. S is for Stalkers

Well folks this is it, the final and first chapter that was written when this bunny was hatched :D. The way this chapter turned out from the initial notes is a product of way too many oatmeal cookies and over-sugared kool-aid. Not to mention the orange chocolate cheesecake that I made two days ago and can't seem to stop finger-swiping. I keep tellin myself, "It's gonna go straight to my thighs...straight to my thighs...straight to my mouth...mmmmmmmm." I think this deserves some cheesecake. :D Enjoy!

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'N Shameless - S is for stalkers, which aren't for everyone - Lex learns the truth...

* * *

The weeks of November were often chilly, the air carrying winter's approaching presence, lingering longer throughout the days until snow settled across the landscape. Today the skies were clear, the sun bright, and the air was tinged with the dregs of summer's warmth. Lex was looking forward to spending his afternoon away from his office having spent his entire morning processing documents to keep his plant going strong. He had let his staff know he wasn't taking any other meetings for the rest of the day, and then headed to the garage where he slipped into his waiting car. 

By the time his car came to a stop, gravel crunching under the tires, Lex had located Clark in the fields with the truck parked near bales of hay. Clark had looked up at his arrival, one gloved hand moving up to shield his eyes before waving a greeting, the other keeping a hold upon the pitchfork when Lex stepped out of the driver's seat. The chirp of the car alarm setting raised a couple of curious cow heads briefly but it didn't hold their attention long from the hay that he could see Clark had been bailing.

"Hey Lex," a bright grin greeted him when he reached the fence-line; a foot was placed on the pitchfork indicating that it was time for a break.

"Clark," Lex drawled slowly, allowing a pleased expression to settle on his face as he watched Clark rest his forearms on the butt of the tool, "Hard at work today I see."

Clark's amused chuckle danced lightly down his spine, "Not really." The dampened head dropped to rub briefly against his wrist; Lex let his gaze dart over the well-worn jeans and a smallish white A-shirt before returning to where he had been looking before Clark looked back up again. He barely managed to refrain from cringing when he heard a mental voice that sounded suspiciously like Chloe remarking that Clark's current pose would have been perfect for her collection, all of Clark's _assets_ were posed in a relaxed stretch that showed off the lean stomach and…he knew he needed to cut down on monitoring her LiveJournal, he was starting to view things like her.

"So what would you call this?" Lex asked while gesturing towards the pitchfork and the hay that had been strewn about for the cattle in an attempt to cover for his mental slide.

A slow pull at the full lips that would have been called a leer on anyone else was the beginning, the rumbling seductive tone further tilted Lex off balance, "Entertainment."

_Blink_ "What?" Did Lex hear him correctly?

"Could you scoot a little to your right?" Asked in a tone so agreeable that Lex shifted without question and nearly missed the rest of what Clark was saying. "My stalker can't get a good shot if you're in the way."

When Clark's words settled in a few beats later he paused in confusion, "Wait…you have a stalker?!"

Clark beamed proudly, "I've got a couple of stalkers."

Lex seemed to pale, had Smallville's oddness finally caught up to Clark? Had he become that unhinged that he was proud to have people stalking him? Did he know and count Lex in that plural? Was he taking too long to respond to this information? Oh god, quick! Say something normal, Lex! What would Clark have said had it been him who had the stalkers and not currently insane?

"Clark," he started slowly, the calmness not at all a reflection upon the turmoil within, "That's not something to be proud of. Stalkers can get dangerous." Good, Lex, channel your inner Clark. "Believe me, I should know." Inwardly he congratulated himself on managing the perfect amount of wry humor to soften his moment of fretting.

Clark tossed him an easy grin before pulling off his shirt, hanging it partially out of his back pocket, and resuming his work. "I know," Clark acknowledge agreeably, giving Lex hope that this madness was brief. Like his hope…"But I'm special."

Lex waited for Clark to continue and was not disappointed, "My stalkers are perfectly happy with pictures."

Lex saw an opening in which he could correct Clark's thinking, a glimmer of hope that was his own experiences with people who stalked. "That so?" Calm, knowing.

"Yup, I have nothing to worry about."

Youthful obliviousness, Lex thought, you died an early death in my case. Hello reasonableness, have you come to crash the party? "What happens when they've got enough pictures?"

Clark laughed, bright and carefree, lips pulled into a large smile showing his amusement. Clark met his serious and concerned gaze with twinkling eyes, "See, that's the difference between your stalkers and mine. You didn't know you had them, so you gave them everything they wanted right away."

"And?" Lex was intrigued with what sort of twist his logic was going to take.

"So they're forced to proceed to the next level of stalking and come after you physically," Clark had the tone of patiently instructing him and humoring him at the same time.

"And yours?"

"Mine I've been stringing along for a few years now."

Surprise at the length of time that Clark had known about the girls but he still was unsure if his own stalker-like tendencies had been noticed but he still was startled enough to let slip, "What?!"

The rippling muscles on the bared back didn't slow at his query nor at the explanation, "Oh come on Lex. You don't really believe my dad would make me wash the truck to have Pete spend the night? That the fences near the house and road need repaired that often? The garden hoed? Grass cut and the leaves raked? Or that I sleep in the loft half naked in the middle of the day?"

"You knew they're stalking you and you're egging them on?" Absently Lex noted that Clark was careful not to raise his voice so that it could carry beyond their range of hearing, it was what kept his own voice subdued.

"It's kind of cute actually," softly spoken as Clark's cheeks pinked slowly, a measure of his rising amusement at Lex's expense, his slight embarrassment at enjoying the attention showing in the demurring turn of his head towards the ground.

"Have you lost your mind, Clark? Stalkers are not, in any way, _cute,_" Lex wasn't sure what it was that caused him to loose control of his mouth but there was something wrong with being thought of as being cute. Luthors are never cute, especially if they're old enough to pick up stalking the locals. He lost his train of thought at the sheer sexual magnetism of Clark's gaze when it swung up and past him to where he assumed laid Chloe with her camera.

"If Chloe and Lana and the couple other stalkers want to spend their free time laying in the fields and grass ogling and photographing me then they're not out chasing meteor freaks for stories and putting their lives in danger. If that means that I have to pretend that I don't notice the occasional flash or bright clothing or the convenient 'just passing by' moments…" he watched as Clark turned away with a shrug and continued with his chores.

"It means that they have a better chance at having a future," Lex offered as an apology.

"Yeah," Clark agreed. "Seemed safer for me this way instead of telling Chloe not to do her journalistic duties."

"Better not let her hear you say that," Lex sagely warned which caused both Lex and Clark to laugh, the seriousness dissipating under the onslaught of friendship, sunshine, and farming chores.

"Better not tell them, Lex," Clark tossed back, catching Lex's slight grin before returning to his chores so that Chloe would have plenty of pictures to fill her camera, Pete had been slacking off on his part of keeping the girls busy since Halloween. Definitely slacking.  



End file.
